Second Guess

by Angela Sanford

Sometimes I second guess my choices, worry that I am on the wrong journey – lost and searching for the way back, or anxious about the next stage of my life and if the choices I have made will prepare me for whatever is to come.

   We often set impossible, sometimes even irrational, expectations for ourselves and then can’t understand why we didn’t meet or live up to our expectations. We feel defeated and wonder if we are indeed “good enough.”

   Craig Anthony told me regularly that he expected “big thing” from me and I’d laugh, wondering just what he thought I’d do/be. I hope he’s watching still today, just in case that “big” thing happens.

   I’ve loved taking on the bulletin and most weeks I am very happy with the results, since its inception just over a year ago. But then, there’s a week where more bulletins are left untouched than the previous week, or the online numbers are lower than the week before, or much worse…. both occur in the same week! Its defeating that’s for certain.

   Much like my day-to-day job – I can go weeks without feeling like I’m making a difference as a coach, wondering if I can, indeed, hold out until it’s my turn to retire. And then, with sudden resolve, there’s a single moment that makes it all worth while.

   The same happened for me not too long ago. Now, let me be clear, I have a committed group of ladies who make my morning each Sunday when I enter Robins and they eagerly request their copies direct to their hands and begin to chatter instantly about the last week’s issue and then the current week’s issue. I’ve come to try and keep a steady drop off time for them but it isn’t always the case and so the group changes dependent on my delivery time.

   I had entered Anthony’s Grocery, just prior to my Robin’s delivery, making my rounds delivering the bulleting one Sunday morning. A young lady was finalizing her grocery purchase and turned to share a quick hug with me since we hadn’t seen each other in some time. She expressed her pleasure in being at the store at the time when I was doing my drop off and the two of us engaged with two of the store staff about the bulletin. They were each very kind in their assessment of the community impression on the publication but the best compliment of all came from this consumer’s last words.

   As she exited the store, she turned and said, “You know, I have to take two bulletins each week.” I stood perplexed, so she continued that if she doesn’t take each of her grandparents their own copy they will “fight” over who’s reading it first and how long it takes the other to finish. 

   For me, that is the highest compliment one can have and I walked away from this moment feeling very honoured and proud that I can bring my community together in a meaningful way.