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Privacy and Sensitivity in Sharing Difficult Moments

Writer's picture: Angela SanfordAngela Sanford

by Angela Sanford


Over the past few years, my frustration with certain uses of social media has continued to grow. One of my biggest concerns is how serious incidents are communicated publicly, such as announcing someone's passing when they’re not part of the poster’s immediate family.

Two years ago, when my father passed away, we made every effort to inform his family of 15 siblings as quickly as possible. We deliberately avoided sharing the news on social media—not only to ensure no one learned of his passing that way but also to give ourselves time to process the situation before engaging with others offering their condolences. Unfortunately, our privacy was disrupted when someone posted an announcement to share their own sense of loss, certainly not with any ill intent. In fact, this may have been the person's way of showing support for us in our loss, an impulsive act driven by their own grief, or simply a lack of awareness that perhaps some family members had not yet been informed. Furthermore, the habit of regularly sharing life events can blur the line between personal and public matters, leading to an assumption of permission—“If I know, everyone must already know.” Additionally, using social media as a source of comfort can sometimes, albeit unintentionally, discount the possible impact such posts may have on others.

More recently, I learned of an email that caused unnecessary stress to a recipient because it included details about a situation without the sender realizing the recipient had a personal connection to the people and circumstances being shared. This scenario prompted this post. While the email was sent with empathy and compassion, the sender was unaware of the interconnectedness of those involved. It highlights the importance of ensuring that all directly impacted individuals are informed before sharing sensitive news with a wider group to prevent unintended harm.

When communicating about a serious situation or someone’s loss, proper etiquette involves sensitivity, discretion, and respect for those affected. While there are several important considerations, a key guideline for social media is to communicate privately with those impacted to determine what can be shared and when. When communicating via email to a broad group, share only the necessary details, ensuring the privacy of the individuals involved is respected and no personal information is disclosed, thereby avoiding any unintentional or adverse consequences. Ultimately, a private message of direct support is often more appropriate and thoughtful than a public announcement.

We all navigate these situations differently, and intentions are often well-meaning. However, by considering the timing, the platform, and the privacy of those affected, we can help ensure that our actions reflect the care and empathy we wish to convey.

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